He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
