she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
