So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
