I cannot find my penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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