in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
