Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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