420 ftw
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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