do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
