i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
