Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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