I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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