Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
