we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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