Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
