I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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