if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
