:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
