What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
