woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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