I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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