Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
