Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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