if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
