Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
