mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
