What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
