Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
