You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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