So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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