just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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