his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
