You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
