you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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