So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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