Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
