you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
