just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
