A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
