This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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