I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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