he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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