That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
