i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
