remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and she was petting her beer can
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
