Semen is not good for contacts.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
