My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
