Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
