so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
