Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
