Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
