party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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